Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Sauna (NSFR)

I was sitting in a wet sauna in Seoul last weekend; since I was alone in the room, I thought I’d lay down and stretch out on my back on the wooden bench I was sitting on.  After a few minutes, I noticed that my mind was racing with intrusive thoughts of my plans for the evening, what I had to do when I got home, etc.  As I was there to relax, I thought I’d take a Buddhist-style step back for a moment and just try to empty my mind and notice the feelings in my body.  I noticed tingling in my legs where I had just been sitting; I felt the wooden slats underneath my back.  I noticed the heat washing over me and my breaths getting shallower.  I remembered Death Valley and thought about how much I love the desert.  I looked at my body underneath the bare yellow bulb hanging from the ceiling; stretching my arms behind my head and arching my back, I saw tiny beads of sweat popping up all over my breasts, then raised my knees to see the sweat all over my body.  And suddenly, I was flooded with a desperate desire to fuck myself.  Not as in masturbate, but as in I wish I could split myself in two and simultaneously be an out of body male-bodied version of myself but also be myself in my own body and fuck myself on the wooden bench in the Itaewonland sauna.  Am I the only one who’s had this fantasy?  If this hasn’t already happened in some sci-fi or fantasy story, I hope one of you gets on that.       

6 comments:

  1. I fuck myself as a "male form" all the time. It's probably my most common unaided fantasy. Not sure why though. I've thought and written about it frequently. Part of it is possibly due to my need to please men to get off. If I can imagine how it feels for a man to fuck me I feel like I have a better understanding of their pleasure.

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    1. Interesting! This is totally the opposite of my experience in the sauna; I know this is *so terrible*, but mine was completely narcissistic. Like, I just thought I looked really hot and wanted to be someone else touching me. Then again, most of us criticize ourselves most of the time, so it's nice to have a moment of "I look good" once in awhile.

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  2. Oh definitely! That's definitely what it feels like in the moment, pure narcissism. I guess I've just been looking for a logical reasoning behind it.

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    1. Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one!

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  3. Two summers ago, in the attic, the summer heat poured through the thin shingle roof almost unimpeded. The temperature drew sweat from me at increasing speed and soon I was soaked through while a malfunctioning fan taunted my poor electrical skills. I was on my hands and knees, a classic subservient position, my ass up in the air, brushing lightly against the nails that poked through the roof.

    Suddenly I felt vulnerable, small, and i wanted to be fucked. I felt hot, sweaty, open, needful, and i closed my eyes and imagined stepping outside myself and pulling off our pants (it was a strange singular/plural dichotomy) and fucking myself. It was hot and crude and I think I made myself cry a bit, but I wanted it so bad, up there in the hot stuffy attic.

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  4. Maybe there's something about being covered in sweat and barely able to breathe...

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